Daycare or Nanny? Making the Right Choice for Your Family.

What to do about childcare, and especially daycare vs. nanny, is a big question on a lot of new and expectant moms’ minds. And it’s one that you have to start thinking about pretty early in a place like NYC, since a lot of daycares have long waitlists, and if you don’t get on them while still pregnant there’s a good chance that your child won’t get in by the time you have to go back to work.

Here are some pros and cons to consider of daycare vs. nanny for your family:

Daycare Pros

Usually less expensive than a nanny for 1 child
Pay a set amount on the books; may be able to use FSA funds
Trained and vetted staff
Regulations around vaccines (for both teachers & students)
Daily health checks to prevent sick kids from attending
Can help to build up stronger immune system by being exposed to more early on / fewer sick days when start school
Socialization with other kids
Structured curriculum with a focus on learning in addition to playing
“Life skills” taught, including sharing, cleaning up, cooperation, independence and self-sufficiency
No need to pay for extra classes or play spaces; many even include “classes” like music
Some include extras like diapers, wipes and food
Gets kids out of the house, which can be easier if you’re working from home

Daycare Cons

Usually more expensive than a nanny for 2+ kids
Can make mornings more hectic, getting them ready and out the door (while also getting yourself ready)
Little to no flexibility on pickup time in evening
Little to no flexibility if you have specific desires for your individual child’s schedule/care
Often less individual feedback on your child’s day (some have mobile apps which provide updates and others hand out a summary sheet at the end of each day or week)
Many kids can get sick more often in the beginning
Need to find back-up care if daycare is closed or child is sick
Closed on major holidays (and some follow a public school schedule with even more closures)

Nanny Pros

Usually more cost effective than daycare for 2+ kids
1:1 attention for your child
Can tailor the schedule/care to your individual child
Detailed feedback/information on your child
No need for back-up care if child is sick
Dedicated, consistent “co-parent” for your child
Will often help with other household chores (e.g., dishes, laundry, light cleaning, cooking for the kids)
Makes mornings easier
More flexibility in evenings
More flexibility vacation schedule
Option to have nanny stay late and babysit / have a babysitter your child is already comfortable with
Option to have nanny come on vacation to help with childcare there

Nanny Cons

Usually more expensive than a daycare for 1 child
May need to pay for a lot of “extras” including transportation, paid time off, sick days, and classes or play spaces you want your nanny to take your child
Some nannies request off-the-books pay
Can be a tricky working/personal relationship to manage
Some parents may have doubts or concerns about what the nanny is doing all day (e.g., engaging enough, being on phone, running personal errands, etc.)
Need to find last-minute back-up care if nanny calls in sick
Will most likely want to start a part-time 2s or 3s program, which can be costly on top of the nanny salary
Much of the time will be spent in the house/apartment, which can be tough if you’re working from home

Once you’ve decide which route you’re going to take, then it’s the matter of finding a good daycare or nanny. For daycares in Manhattan, people will tell you that you need to start looking immediately after getting a positive pregnancy test. It sounds like a joke, but really some waitlists are actually THAT long. I wanted to wait until we had the 20-week ultrasound to make sure everything was looking good before putting our name onto daycare waitlists, and even that was pushing it – we were extremely lucky to get one of the very few coveted spots in the first daycare we used for our daughter. So as soon as you feel comfortable, while still pregnant, start touring daycares and getting onto the waitlists of the ones you really like. It’s always a good idea to apply to more than one so you have a back-up if you don’t get into your top choice by the time you need childcare.

Your local Facebook moms’ group or Mom Crew community is a good place to turn to ask for recommendations in your neighborhood. Of course, like anything crowdsourced on Facebook, you need to compile a lot of reviews, take some of them with a grain of salt, and know which people/sources you trust, since everyone has different priorities and different experiences. Once you’ve narrowed down your list, set up tours to get a feel for yourself and use the interview questions below to vet different options, depending on what’s most important to you. And remember that no daycare is going to be perfect, so it’s about thinking through the trade-offs and making the best decision for your family and your child.

For nannies, there are agencies that can help place a nanny with you, or Facebook can also be a good place to look, since people are always posting about nannies being available. Just keep in mind that some people are posting about nannies they’ve let go because they didn’t like them, but feel guilty so are trying to help them find a new home. It’s often possible to tell by how enthusiastic someone is, but it’s always a good idea to speak with the person directly and check other references, as well as to run a full background check. Once you’ve done your checks, you can set up a phone call or in-person meeting with the nanny to ask questions (see list below) and see if you connect well. After that, it’s common to set up a trial with your child to see if it’s a good fit. Many people also choose to put up “nanny cams” in their apartment (video monitors that connect to WiFi so you can view them on your phone) to be able to keep an eye on how things are going while they’re out – it’s a good idea to be upfront and disclose to the nanny that you have cameras so they don’t feel that their privacy is being violated, but it’s very common and probably expected in this day and age. If at any point you don’t feel comfortable with a nanny, trust your mom gut and keep looking until you find someone that you feel very confident in.

When considering a daycare or nanny, here are some questions you may want to ask when touring/interviewing:

Daycare Tour Questions

Is there a waitlist? What is the likelihood of getting in by X time?
Do you have rolling admissions or do you only accept new classes starting in September?
Are both full-time and part-time spots available?
Do you give admissions preference to siblings?
Could you tell me about your learning philosophy?
Is there a curriculum that you follow by age?
Is there a set schedule by age? Is there any flexibility for individual children’s schedules?
What are the age ranges of the classrooms? Do you move children up to the next classroom at set times?
Do children ever play with different age groups?
What kind of outdoor time do the children get?
What is the ratio of teachers to children?
What are your requirements for the staff in terms of qualifications or experience?
What are your policies around personal phones in the classroom?
What kind of technology do you use in the classroom, if any?
What is the best way to communicate with the school and with the teachers?
Do you use an app or send home written communications about the child’s day?
Are parents allowed to sit in on the classroom?
What is the timing and process for drop-off and pickup?
What your regulations around vaccinations and the flu shot? (for both staff & children)
Do you do any kind of health check in the mornings? How do you handle it if a child gets sick during the day?
Are diapers, wipes, and/or food included?
Can you send your own food? Are there any restrictions?
Do the teachers help with / support potty training?

Mom Crew has put together a printable list of Daycare Tour Questions to ask at tours of childcare facilities. Feel free to add some of your own too, depending on what’s important to you.

Download Questions

Nanny Interview Questions

How long have you been caring for children?
What is the age range of children you have cared for?
What is your favorite age to care for, and why?
Have you cared for more than one child at a time?
How have you handled difficult situations, like a very fussy baby or a toddler who’s a very picky eater?
Have you helped to sleep train babies before?
Have you helped to potty train toddlers before?
Are you trained in CPR & First Aid? If not, would you be willing to take a class?
Have you ever had a childcare emergency? If so, how did you handle it?
Are you up-to-date on vaccines? Do you regularly get the flu shot or would you be willing to?
Are you comfortable traveling with child(ren) to playdates & classes?
Are there any activities or responsibilities that you can’t or won’t do?
Are you fluent in any other languages?
What and when was your last position? Why did you leave?
Tell me about a typical day/schedule for a child X age.
How flexible is your schedule (nights/weekends)?
Are you comfortable helping with X (light housekeeping for child, laundry, cooking, etc.)?
How long were you with your last family? What’s the longest you’ve been with the same family?
How long are you looking to stay with your next family?

Mom Crew has put together a printable list of Nanny Interview Questions to ask prospects. Feel free to add some of your own too, depending on what’s important to you.